19 Years of Marriage Later...
We met at church, I was 14, he was 16. We got married when I was 18, he was 20.
Here we are.
If you have been married a long time, congratulations, mark each year down as a HUGE life accomplishment.
If you have been divorced once or twice or maybe 5 times, marriage is one tough ride and stuff happens. Keep going you'll find your beautiful path married or not.
Getting married as young as we did, the odds and statistics were not in our favor. The fact that we have not killed each other at this point is a divine miracle from Heaven above!
He is a pretty mellow, think things through kinda guy. I am no form of mellow and quite the handful. His closet is immaculate all the time. Mine looks like a bomb went off in it most days.
We are total opposites in just about every way.
Once we figured out that was what made us work and not fight against it all the time we got along much, much better!
I don't claim to know everything, we are certainly not experts and not perfect by any means, we are still on this journey.
God really does make all the difference and he truly has been the only thing that has kept us alive and going at times, but here are a few things we have learned over the years...
THERAPY IS NOT TERRIBLE.
I can guarantee we have had more therapy and counseling than the average couple-like it or not. A third party is helpful sometimes to help sort stuff out and shine a different light on things. Set your pride to the side and go talk it out if you are having issues.
YOU WILL BE HAPPY YOU DIDN'T QUIT WHEN IT GOT HARD.
As cliche as it is "the bad times really do make the good times better."
If you stick it out and make it past those huge mountains that seem impossible to move, you will look back so thankful for surviving the climb together.
BE A TEAM.
A 50/50 team not an 80/20 team. He supports me, I support him. I am not his servant, but I serve him how I can and he does me also. He is not the boss of me and I am not the boss of him, but we talk stuff out and care about each others opinions. We are a team and we are in this together -including dinner and laundry! Wasn't always this way, but when you both try at the same time to work together it's amazing what you can accomplish and how truly happy you can be.
PROTECT YOUR LOVE FIERCELY
It doesn't take much to start focusing on every single negative thing about your spouse. You can list 100 things that drive you crazy and have a hard time remembering why you even married them in the first place. Just know the day might come when you will ask yourself "What was I thinking?! I hate this life and I'm running away." Don't. Just stay and fiercely protect your life together. The season will pass and you will be stronger in the end- that's not just a nice little saying, it's really true.
***Disclaimer if you are in a toxic, abusive situation none of this applies. Girl, pack your stuff and get out of there before you have a 'Goodbye Earl' moment. No need in going to jail over some wife beating loser. You are worth more and honey don't you forget it...don't even get me started.***
Back to love and marriage now lol!
This is what I know ...
Marriage is great. Marriage is terrible. Marriage is worth fighting for.
Here is a song I wrote a while back called "Make This Work"...